My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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