ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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