Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
