I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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