There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
