i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
