I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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