so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
