thus making me awesome and them whores
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
