i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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