I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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