i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
