he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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