im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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