My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
