Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
