Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
