well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im on a boat
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