Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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