I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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