90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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