just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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