just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
