I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
