i used baking grease as lip gloss
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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