That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
