That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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