I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
