I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
