why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize