are you still at the devil's house?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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