trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
