Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
