Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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