Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
