Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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