I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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