I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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