I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
