so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
