did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
