Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
