She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
