Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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