i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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