And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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