I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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