He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
