...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
