You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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