your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
