My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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