I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
