i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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