she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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