Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
