I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
