what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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