The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
