She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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