This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
vagina is talking i cant
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
