ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
