i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
