You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
