i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
