remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
