at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
