i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
