i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
