remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think my moral compass just broke
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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