I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
