i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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