when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
