He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize