I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
