so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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