Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
